I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My dick has a subreddit
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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