Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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