I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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