someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize