How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Randomize