So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
