I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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