Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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