i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize