i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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