Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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