So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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