my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
