Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
