i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
