when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
