Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
My orgasm happened in two different decades
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
