How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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