And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
