You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
