College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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