it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
