Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
