Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize