I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
