it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I think my moral compass just broke
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
