I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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