she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
