I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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