the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
