his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize