Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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