he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
