Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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