I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
