Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize