guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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