you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
