I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
barbara walters just said penis...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
