am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
