Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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