I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
