I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
