wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
