it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
