His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize