I'm so fucking centered right now
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
