sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize