she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
