Small penises have feelings too.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize