evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
