there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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