I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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