Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
