What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
