at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
