I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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