...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize