You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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