omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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