i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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