a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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