He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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