Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize