spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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