Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
