dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
