why didn't you poke me back
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
