I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
